standing with trees while the wild winds blow keeping to center I let thinking go back in touch with my compass that I left in the grass when I foolishly followed thoughts of future and past in this transformation of a lonely heart find a different reason to make a new start chasing after the pleasure while avoiding the pain is a plan that collapses again and again running through gravel over a wooden bridge with the breath as my mantra and letting go of religion against the grain but in touch with the flow looking for confidence that was lost long ago I’ve been burned by desire couldn’t see the harm never saw a good reason to sound the inner alarm when the future comes crashing and we’re unprepared find security crumbling a road leading nowhere what does it mean to be a lonely son days without speaking to anyone just keep on moving guitar by my side as inspiration slips by now the fires are burning everything that we see and we can’t seem to break ourselves free making time for each other not easily done but this life is a short setting sun all the roads that we travel many holes in the road set to wreck our alignment until we don’t know which way to go chasing after the pleasure while avoiding the pain is a plan that collapses again and again

I saw a dead bird lying in the street today and as I walked on I sent it lovingkindness that it would always encounter wisdom in future lives find a happier place fly to the greatest of heights because it’s nature’s way that has saved me thus far it has revealed to me the tree in this guitar walking down the sidewalk giant houses I have never lived in a small empty apartment feels like this people die everyday over financial strain they feel so disconnected can’t take any more of the pain I have compassion for myself and so much more for anyone else who has struggled to make things right or contemplated ending their lives if thinking mind doesn’t drive us to extinction faster better and more convenient as the ship goes down will we still have barbarians beating on each other for entertainment? at the end of this life I’ll be glad that I took the time to practice self-care sitting and walking with awareness of mind the play must unfold in its own time and way no one is controlling it all we’re just a tiny blue dot in space oh the problems of the world they are like this there is nothing in this life that isn’t like this oh it’s all like this it’s all like this good or bad it’s all like this

how I love to hear the words of Ajahn Chah he came to serve as a living Buddha though I strive to live high ideals I could not do it with such grace yet I am not discouraged for he showed the way You may think a self resides in you look deeper and you’ll see that it’s not true not everything has meaning and that’s okay see life as it is not in a personal way don’t always believe everything that you think for nothing is really certain things can change in a wink we don’t have to be monks to learn how to see we don’t have to wear robes dyed in wood from a jackfruit tree darkness and clouds cover the minds of us let go of anger and worry see the mind as luminous we can do the work of planting seeds but it's no good to try and force the growth of trees if we do the work properly we’ll find that’s all we need let go of belief in a self that can be saved be tranquil inside unmoved by praises or blame this is not a song of worship for that’s not what he sought but a thankful expression for the truths that he taught not everything has meaning and that’s okay see life as it is not in a personal way and the fetters of doubt will gently fall away on some disenchanted evening he would talk until the morning and the tears were falling when he would meditate in the rain soaking wet with tears until he exhausted all the pain oh this path has no boundaries and all lying has ceased there is nothing to grab hold of only thoughts to release if we see through our conditioning to the reality beneath feel the anger dissolving in the forest in the forest of trees

there is a lag time between actions and effects we think they got away with murder but we don’t see what happens next if I have done wrong in this life or maybe even a past one start to see why things haven’t gone so right if I am envious of others I can only lose influence if I think they don’t deserve the success they found I’m blind to past causes…past causes everyone wants happiness and everyone deserves it but the causes and conditions weren’t there for the fruit to ripen may we break through the boundaries defining self against other defining self against other no mind state is permanent nor is heaven or hell we can always change pick ourselves up from where we fell we may have lost more blood than the greatest of oceans having lived countless lives without a sense of wholesome devotion…devotion karma doesn’t care if you believe in it or not we are owners of our actions 'cause that’s all we've got may we realize through direct knowledge the ending of all karma the ending of all karma what you did or didn’t do in a past life it doesn’t matter now are you creating good karma? or are you creating more bad karma? I am just a wanderer carrying mixed karma…mixed karma

on our way to a party when he spontaneously froze into a mystical trance impervious to his surroundings Socrates stood as the sun went down unmoving he would not respond to touch or sound his aching feet did not matter all problems in his mind had scattered Socrates stood Socrates stood better not try and bother him best to leave him alone it’s just how he retires from the world every now and then under Athenian stars called to him from afar standing on a neighbor’s porch with an empty mind lost in deep meditation that night his pale head glimmered in the moonlight Socrates stood Socrates stood a crowd of people gathered by to share in the quietude of his life his body disappeared from his mind time stood still constellations floated by waiting for the sun to rise no more war in his mind no more war in his mind as the birds sang the sun arose and he broke his trance finally moved his hands in prayer and he gave thanks to the sun and went on his way as if nothing special had happened on that day all I know is that I know nothing all I know is that I know nothing

I struggled with depression and anxiety for too much of my adult life let those feelings surface put them under the spotlight some people have it easier with no roadblocks in their way Well I guess you call that karma mine is gastrointestinal pain now there’s no looking back just trying not to fall off the main track stop fighting and resisting life as it is until the obstacles become the path I encounter difficult people more often than I would like afraid to deal with themselves but on your faults they love to shine the light for any impediment in the way the mind must convert it into a vehicle for growing no longer stopping you from living these stumbling blocks can change but our perceptions lead us the wrong way we can’t know everything beyond the present or describe the indescribable with words because gaining is losing all the comforts that we cling to each day right view becomes wrong view let those views pass right on through and fall away you’re not gonna change anyone’s mind so stop arguing everything will be fine everything will be just fine we’ll find our true homes are not the bodies in which we roam it’s just what we experience life through what is there to prove if there’s nothing left to do? now there’s no looking back just trying not to fall off the main track stop fighting and resisting life as it is until the obstacles become the path obstacles become the path

you may say i’m nobody no purpose do I serve of no real importance songs not worthy to be heard but I know there are some  whose eyes are not covered with dust they listen and understand through empathy and through trust like heavenly celestial beings a heart made light when it's cold and it snows through the night I sing one for the angels when there’s no one to listen in sight I don’t need anyone to hear this song because i’ve already disappeared so you say i’m dreaming but i’m waking up instead from the endless cycle circling through life and through death if nobody is playing then nobody is listening some preach from high horses but can’t accept a simple teaching some will never hear or understand but I am not forsaken for I am a peaceful one I play one for the angels as they watch over the setting sun I don’t have a need to be heard because compassion can heal without any words liberation in this life the end of longing and sorrow’s rebirth when I see their hidden wings I sing one for the angels the angels here on earth

took a road trip to New Hampshire driving winding roads through the woods four nights in a monastery took the eight precepts found a dresser and bed set the alarm and laid down my head and though I helped wash dishes and vacuumed in the hall my fondest memory of all was sitting together in the quiet it felt natural and calm just watching the breath go in and out but not attached to anything sitting still like statues now thoughts rise and fall in the dimly lit meditation hall took pictures of the fall landscape reflection of ochre leaves on the pond stones assembled into short walls stood and listened to rain I wandered acres of hills and though I cleaned up the bathroom and swept the dirty tarps one of my favorite parts was sharing meals together breakfast in a red skied dawn watching the breath go in and out but not attached to anything sitting still like statues now thoughts rise and fall in the dimly lit meditation hall walking through the field at dusk a sense of sadness arose surrounded by a dark silhouette of trees under a blanket of cloud a faint white light not feeling fit to ordain but maybe in the next life watching the breath go in and out this is how it feels to be alive beneath an expansive sky knowing this body is not mine and the suffering that arises also declines knowing that all memories are impermanent and knowing that all suffering is impermanent

rogue planet that is drifting through dark space ejected from its orbit it has quickly lost its place wandering through endless night like a nomad in the desert tracing a wayward path through the galaxy searching for a beacon light just an isolated planet passing by the distant stars not connected to anything just radiating from afar from afar rogue planet a long long way from home mother sun just a speck of light now no direction as it roams and its temperature is cold but its heart is beating warm just one of a billion orphans with no memory of how it formed will it be pulled by gravity forces far beyond its control? will it revolve around a new sun or disappear into a deep black hole? deep black hole will the planet fly by again and cause a state of warning? will it see the sun rise again in the early morning?

in an unstable world full of treachery and deceit people don’t seem to give a damn about anything because they don’t care don’t see the value in the spiritual life when the heart is obscured and covered over with leaves it’s no wonder that we can’t feel anything i’m better off not knowing not seeing what can’t be unseen when this body finally dies the world will still turn when this body breaks up I hope there’s no return for one who has known mental suffering I have aspired to this noble way of developing when doubters don’t support the vision the vision withers and fails nobody's better off for it mistaking anguish for happiness do you think you can endure it? we can take more than we think we can but if I must return may I not make the same mistakes letting go of insecurity following the path that wisdom makes to see that nothing arises all by itself it’s uncertain and this body is not self when a fire burns out we don’t know where it went direction no longer applies to the state that the fire is in it’s just the cessation of affliction and misery rebirth comes to an end carry on through the hard times there will always be a new song to write a mind like a hurricane spinning dangerous and fast collides with the land of truth and its form breaks down into beautiful showers a mind filled with misguided views is a danger to itself and others too when this body finally dies the world will still turn when this body breaks up I hope there’s no return for one who has known mental suffering I have aspired to this noble way of developing but if I must return may I not make the same mistakes letting go of insecurity following the path that wisdom makes to see that nothing arises all by itself it’s uncertain and this body is not self it’s all uncertain unsatisfactory but it’s not self no it’s not self